I normally wouldn’t say this but I really want this year to be over because I hate dealing with Prom and I’m so not looking forward to the work I still have to do for English and Theater Arts. I really can’t wait for June 28th when I’ll finally be relieved; I’ll be done with school and orientation.

I wonder what it feels like seconds before dying. Like what goes through people’s heads when they know they’re about to die? That’s such a scary thought…

One of the worst things in life is being misunderstood.

It just hit me how i’m probably not gonna be in touch with most of my friends once senior year ends because we all clearly suck at keeping in touch.

my sister was bitching at me for not listening or caring when she talks about personal shit like I don’t like talking about feelings and all that crap like damn b

So I didn’t get into my top school. I saw that it was a small envelope so my heart DROPPED. I had to read it 3 times to fully grasp what it was saying. I don’t know if I’ve ever been as heart-broken as today? It’s the only one around here with my preferred major. I’m actually REALLY upset. I think I saw it coming because it’s a small school so they would obviously accept people with higher GPAs and SAT scores. I was just hoping I could go to college to learn about music production because that’s what I want to do with my life. Whatever. The world goes on.. yada yada yada

I’m really nervous about college…

Movies, books, and shows give us high hopes and expectations. That’s why I hate them so much… still my drugs though.

I’m 90% sure I have social anxiety?

that sad moment when you can’t tell the difference between dèjá vu & reality

I can’t tell if I think about things I want to forget on purpose or not. It’s like I’m trying to torture myself? Why do I get so hung up on the stupidest things in the world that obviously don’t matter? I’m so stupid. how do I clear my head I don’t know how

a stupid ass fucking rant

so i really hate how i don’t know anything.. like if i want to be in the music industry then i should be like fucking producing music or at least know how to play an instrument but like i don’t do anything. I don’t know how to start anywhere. I don’t know what the fuck is gonna happen in the future cause I have no idea how to do ANYTHING. I don’t even try like i’ve never actually tried to learn an instrument or asked my dad to buy me a producing system for my computer or some shit.. I’m lazy and unmotivated to do anything. I love music and I would say it’s my passion but is it really cause i haven’t done anything to encourage it as my future?! Or like fashion like i like that too but like i wouldn’t know how to succeed in it cause it’s a hard industry to deal with. Omg i just don’t know i’m getting really fucking angry at myself. I better get into the college i want/need or else i’m really fucked.

I wish i could do whatever i want to my hair and skin like leave me alone. I want to move away like by myself forever. I want to go out and come home whenever I want too. goodbye